it's not going to be okay

I’ve been trying to envision a second Trump presidency since the vote counts in the US presidential election started rolling in. How can things be even more terrible than they are now? My imagination fails me, but we’ll find out soon enough. Over the next four years, we could wake up every day to discover that there is no bottom in this barrel; that it’s possible to sink lower and lower, in ways more twisted and fucked than we could have predicted, and just keep going. It feels like the best we can hope for is for Trump’s incoming administration to be so incompetent that they fuck up fucking up.

I feel for Americans (the ones who didn’t vote for Trump, at least). There’s been an awareness for years now that democracy is on the decline, that the US hasn’t even really been a democracy for some time, and that fascism is making a very unwelcome comeback. But sometimes, when I read posts and comments by Americans on social media, I get the impression that many, perhaps most, are unprepared for authoritarianism. (The American mainstream press certainly aren’t.) Exceptionalism and US-centric worldviews have hampered the ability to observe, listen and learn from those of us who are already intimately acquainted with the absolute mindfuck that is modern-day political suppression, gaslighting and rights abuse. It gives no pleasure at all to welcome a huge batch of Americans to the oppression commiseration association. This is the most depressing version of “in da clerb we all fam”.

Firefighting is overwhelming and exhausting when everything is on fire. Everyone needs support and solidarity, everywhere, all at once, in a myriad of different ways that require different energies and faculties. At a time when I’m already burnt out by struggles in my own country, when I’m already feeling helpless and guilty in the face of calamities in Gaza, Myanmar and Sudan, the mere thought of one more place needing attention and solidarity is just… ugh. Can’t any single country get its shit together so we don’t have to be buried under a global avalanche of bad news? It’s not a very motivating mindset. It’s the complete opposite: all I want to do is bury myself under a soft duvet on a comfy bed and withdraw until the end of the world. 

I heard Kamala Harris’s concession speech on the radio this morning on the way to work. She sounded exhausted and upset, but still tried her best to keep morale up. She said: “To the young people who are watching, it is okay to feel sad and disappointed. But please know it's going to be okay. On the campaign, I would often say when we fight, we win. But here's the thing, here's the thing, sometimes the fight takes a while. That doesn't mean we won't win. That doesn't mean we won't win. The important thing is don't ever give up.”

She’s right: it’s important not to give up. But I also can’t agree with her: it’s very definitely not going to be okay.

It is, in fact, going to be extremely not okay. A racist, sexual predator and criminal has been elected the President of the United States (again!)—a domestic political outcome that’s infuriatingly everyone’s problem because the United States happens to be the most powerful country on the planet. Things were already bad; Trump’s return will further encourage and embolden white supremacy, misogyny and corruption. Project 2025, an ultra-conservative vision put together by many people who are now proximate to power, could be implemented—even a partial roll-out would be a horror show. Trump’s authoritarian impulses will provide fodder and cover for authoritarians elsewhere—I’ve already been reminded of his admiration for Singapore’s practice of executing people for drug offences, which is horrible news for both the US and for Singapore. His foreign policy is basically beefing with or befriending whichever oligarch or dictator is most adept at stroking his ego on any given day, then making crucial geopolitical decisions based on these screwy, fickle vibes. He will be easily manipulated because he’s ignorant and vain and has the attention span of a kumquat when it comes to anything that’s not directly about him. We’ve yet to see who will be in his new administration, but if they’re mostly Elon Musk and Robert F. Kennedy Jr. types then we’re going to have to consider the compounding effect that multiple man-children will have on one another and the US government as a whole. People are going to suffer, even die. Things are not only not going to be okay, they are going to be incredibly fucked.

“It’s going to be okay” is a common platitude, repeated like a mantra when things look bleak. I don’t want to dismiss or downplay the need for comfort. But one thing I’ve learnt from years in activism is the importance of recognising and living with the knowledge of how shit things are, and the implications of this shit on future shit. We should live in hope, but we shouldn’t kid ourselves.

Things are not okay. They are not going to be okay. It fucking sucks. This knowledge should not be allowed to paralyse over the long-term; it can only be allowed to activate.

I have many years of experience in activism, but I don’t want to ‘teach’ anyone how to resist oppression in their country. I’m a connoisseur of Singaporean fuckery, but the US has its very own special flavour of fucked up that people on the ground will have to work with, around and against. I can only say that I relate to the deep sense of fear and despair that’s making its rounds right now. I know how it feels to tumble into that abyss, to worry that nothing will ever be all right again, to struggle with the reality of a world many times more brazen, more cruel and more unjust that we were prepared for. I know what it’s like to feel that way… and still pick yourself up off the floor and get out there, because surrender cannot possibly be an option.

There are periods when righteous indignation stokes a fire in my belly that spurs me into action. In those moments, my purpose feels clear and my energy is high. But it’s often harder to find the sweet spot that turns despair and anger into fuel, and the times when the flame sputters out can be the most critical. The temptation of giving up and switching off is always hovering on the periphery—that’s how it is for me, anyway. I’m constantly thinking about how much easier it would be to just stop caring and make a hard pivot into personal comfort, safety and convenience. There are days—more than I care to admit—when I have to rely on pure bloody-mindedness to keep going, because bravery and drive have checked out.

There is a difference between delusion and hope, and hope is a choice. I know it’s not an easy one to make right now, and I’m really at a loss as to how to proceed, what words to write that can make us all feel better. Everything feels hollow and inadequate. I wonder whether there’s even a point in sending out this little newsletter at all. There’s little consolation to be offered about the state of the world—from the US to Palestine, Ukraine to Myanmar and so, so much more—right now. We will all have to find our own avenues of self-care and self-soothing, to protect our hearts and spirits for the long run. All I can do is send a reminder, to anyone who needs it, not let self-soothing turn into disempowerment and learned helplessness. Because there’s so much that needs doing, in so many places, and none of us can do any of it alone.

~ vibes ~

The chaos, our kingdom fell
Stole heaven, so we gave 'em hell
And the pieces will find themselves
So, fight for me, I'll fight as well

So, now we're standing on the edge
Our backs against the wall
A penthouse view on our own two
And now we're standing tall

We can be giants, giants
We can be giants, giants
'Cos every one of us has always been enough
We can be giants, giants
— ‘Giants’, ONE OK ROCK

I’m sharing one song, but the whole album is fantastic and what I need right now.